Adapting to a new social circle can be a nightmare, especially when you are a lazy shit-weasel like myself. It’s not so much the lack of social skills as it is the utter nonexistence of my interest in going the extra mile to make deeper human connections, especially knowing I would be forced to leave them behind only four months later. From previous experience I already knew how easy it would be to get attached to people living in different countries and then getting emotionally butt fucked when you realize you are never actually going to visit them or keep in touch for longer than the courteous few months it takes one’s maggot hole infested brain to forget people that were “just the best”. I guess it’s safe to say that even though I was keen to explore and experiment, I wasn’t expecting to find lifelong friends. Not until my soul mate walked in to my life completely unannounced.

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There I was, having a smoke, minding my own business, when suddenly a wild cat appeared. And by a wild cat I mean an abnormally fat, fur covered bum of the feline variety. I have always considered myself an appreciator of nature and its creatures, but from just few minutes of observing I could see that this particular creation of God was nothing like I had met before. It had absolutely zero interest in my pathetic attempts to make acquaintance. It merely sneered at my open arms and turned its disturbingly jiggly backside in my direction, as if to underline how little he wished for my inferior company. It was only after I had lost interest and continued flipping a poorly branded online game on my smart phone, that the cheeky little bastard decided it suddenly wanted to place its obese excuse for a body on my lap. In that moment I knew I had met my match. Not only did the cat resemble me physically, but its complete lack of decency and any kind of acceptable mannerism really hit home. Since then we’ve been mates, or whatever you call it when a stray randomly shows up at your door, begs for food and then falls asleep on your bed until it’s time to gtfo and go torment someone else.